So as stated in I’m sure one or two other essays, I discovered the satanic Bible at about age 13. Before I had found that book, I remember I would go on YouTube and watch videos with Anton Lavey in them, and be very intrigued by his words and how he described the philosophy. I began to mull his words around in my head and quickly realized: I think I’m a satanist.
The more research I did, the more I just fueled that fire so to speak. I began intense research through the internet on every possible thing I could find out. I remember one day in 2008, I took a trip to our local library as I had done for a long time. I watched videos on the internet and saw the satanic Bible in one of those videos, I quickly asked the librarian if they had one in. To my amazement, they did.
I without hesitation checked it out. I remember it was a Friday night, so being that I didn’t have to be up for school I could stay up as late as I wanted to. I read the book cover to cover all night. And every word in that book spoke to me in such a way, that I was like, yes I’m a satanist. I had begun to question god before any of this, just because of the things that had been happening in my life. And why would he allow that to happen if he loved me?
It seemed as if my “prayers” were not only being ignored, but that I was completely being shoved aside. That feeling made me angry, bitter, hateful and honestly resentful. I HATED Christianity and anyone who followed it to me was my enemy. I wanted no part of it anymore, I was 100% done with it all. Once I freed myself from the bowels of religion, I felt entirely free and that I could be myself and not worry about a priest telling me I’m wrong.
Satanism in general has opened my eyes to see reality, and to question things I’d been told by the church never to question. Only because “with god, you don’t question his authority”. Well I’ve always been that rebellious person as was Lucifer, so we’re told. So naturally, I began to question EVERYTHING. there wasn’t anything safe from my realm of thought, or provoking a question to prove something was correct.
Though I did try years later to rejoin the Christian church, I still found disappointment in not only myself, but the religion in general. “Here I go again following rules I dont understand” I’d say to myself. So I bought the satanic Bible again, and watched videos, and connected with some great satanists over the years, and never looked back.
I’m happy, I’m free, I am my own god, I AM A SATANIST.